Since well before 1979, when I got divorced from my first husband, I remember being angry, hurt and enraged. When I got my first computer, and an internet connection, I tracked him down. My Grandmother always told me it was best to know where our enemy was. So every so often I'd track him down and make sure I was still safe.
Then in August of 2007, on this very day, he passed away and became God's problem. For years after learning he'd died, my anger was still raging. I wanted to find his grave and dance on it in a red dress. The funny thing was, I could never get any information on his grave's location. That is, until today. Trying to get other information, his grave's location popped up today. And then it hit me. The anger was gone, the rage was gone. The need to dance on his grave in a red dress... gone. It's a peaceful feeling that fills my heart. I know the reason, but I won't say, not just yet. For the first time in over 35 years I'm not filled with rage. I might not be filled with forgiveness, but at least rage is gone. I don't just write, I read. I love reading, which is unusual for a person with dyslexia. I was fortunate to have a mother who fought for me. Just as I went on to fight for my son. Reading for a person with my disability is sometimes a chore. For me, it's a labor of love.
But that labor becomes bogged down at times. I tried... I really tried to read As time goes by..... I wanted to like this book so badly! But alas and alack, (the writer's not mine,) it's a lost cause. Even trying to read in the voices of the actors from Casablanca, it was hopeless. And so I put the book aside. I have found that on occasion, the written work is far better than the film. But that too isn't always true. Point in case, I loved Piratical Magic, the movie, I hated the book. I loved the film Chocolat, just started the book and I love it even more! Just because I didn't like one book isn't going to put me off. So there. Thirty years ago I gave birth to my son.... and there's been good times... and bad... But I let him live. It's a good thing.
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AuthorPatricia M. Bryce is a short story author, novelist and cosplayer.
She has appeared as Patricia M. Rose in the anthology, Dreams of Steam:
Gadgets, edited by Kimberly Richardson and published by Dark Oak Press.
When she's not busy writing, she's off being a playtron up at Bristol
Renaissance Faire. You can learn more at
https://www.facebook.com/PaisleyRose1 Archives
April 2019
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